The Fourth Fight- Fight with low confidence!

The Fourth Fight- Fight with low confidence!

So, this time I went as a strict teacher with a much disciplined mission in my mind! When she told me that low confidence was her problem, I got all charged up with a purpose to see! And I realized, wasn’t this my own problem at one point? This is generally the most common problem we find in every age group. The fear of speaking, the fear of being judged wrongly, the fear of ‘log kya sochenge and kahenge’ and the fear of being a non-conformist.

I realized that the more quickly a person overcomes this, the faster he can fare up in life. After all, making your presence felt is the most vital lesson our life has taught us ( in times of this cut throat world).  Earlier you start speaking your heart and head, better for your future endeavours.

So, I wasn’t taking this thing lightly. I searched the internet, talked to people and browsed books as how to boost your confidence. Because for me (in my past), it was not exercises and mentoring, but struggles that taught me to be confident. I thought this was my golden chance to make somebody’s life a little easy. I talked to a lot of people and they told me activities to do. I browsed through Abhyudaya library and took confidence building books. I surfed the internet and got hold of quite a few exercises and activities.

So, I met her at her home that day. The environment was as usual. Cool and calm, her mother rushing with a glass of water. I told Prachi about the agenda of the day and she was discombobulated.

• Writing down our wish list- We did this together so as to maintain a normal decorum and she should feel uncomfortable about writing her weaknesses.
•   Ponder on things- We read the page that we had written and discussed about it in depth. Obviously, for the things like these, there are no exact solutions. So we discussed and I told her the right way to approach things
•   Beauty of books- It explained why we have low confidence. The fears in our lives restricts us to do what our heart says.
• Write it down!- I asked her to write somewhere down about her wish list and read it daily. This will prompt her to take one step forward daily and fulfil her wish list.
• Three questions exercise- This activity was told by my friend. Ask any one question from three different people who are strangers to you.

This meet was one of the most disorganized and confusing. It is very difficult to make her speak. I would read a simple sentence from the book but cannot judge if she was following it or not. I am sure things like personality development are not high on their agenda list, so I was not sure she was willing to listen and take up those activities. The way I had planned, it went all haywire. It got all dull and monotonous because of monologue. But, I didn’t lose heart and decided to take it up with more vigour and knowledge and more material to show her. May be some encouraging videos.

As Anil Vaidya Sir told us in Cohort meeting, life will be like this only, unstructured but simple! You would not know what will happen next despite of all you have planned. I got a hang of it today. And I decided to take it up understanding from her point of view.

Shagun

The Third Sojourn- Isckon and Mahabharata!

The Third Sojourn- Isckon and Mahabharata!

30^th Sept’2015.

1700 to 1900 hours

During our last two visits, we found our shared love for Mahabharata and Hindu mythology. And we decided that we should devote a meet on this. Listening to the stories that the other person has to tell (No matter how much and how many times you read about Hindu mythology and Mahabharata, the stories are never going to end). So, I was all packed with the different videos I had of ISCKON and the book of pictures related to Mahabharata. All those enchanting characters of Krishna, Kunti, Pandavas, Kauravas et al excited us a lot. We started with ISCKON and saw two videos.

v  Bhagvad Gita and its role in our lives today (modern lives) - This basically starts with Lord Krishna’s dialogue with Arjuna and relating every lesson with our world today. It was both a mix of learning and stories. It takes us back to the Kurukshetra battle ground and the battle scene is recreated!

v  Three forms of mankind- In this video, it had divided humans in three forms. The one who is all pure, the one who is in the middle doing good and doing right and last the one who does all badly. First one gets heaven, the second one gets reincarnation and the third one gets hell.

After that, we had the book of Mahabharata where we started discussing about our favorite stories. My favorite was one related to Bhishma Pitama. How he has taken the vow and abided by it till the end of his life. Though, I don’t support all his actions but the character is too magnificent in terms of his prowess and strengths. That I am almost lured to him as a super hero!

Her favorite story was the one where Arjuna is on the verge of backing out from the epic war and Lord Krishna comes in to tell the difference between Karma and Dharma!

The talk could have gone on and on. It was wonderful to discuss such profound subjects with children (especially of these days). She is in tenth class and such knowledge! WOW! She has read the Bhagvad Gita as well. She is practically my brother’s age but I have never had a talk with my brother other than Breaking Bad or EDM!

Also, I made sure that the topic is going on as a mythology, story and learning and do not take the tricky path of religion! It is a deadly trap and I made sure I don’t get into it.

His father was very happy that day! Of course, the topic is very well loved by parents.

As the days goes by, the family and Prachi herself is getting more close to me.

I have noticed that if there is a gap of more than a week, that flow of thoughts and companionship gets diminished. So, I made it a point today to meet every week to maintain that comfort level.

This was the first time she actually said (though I had observed this ago as well) that her self-confidence is low. She told that she wants to give an answer but is unable to do so! My agenda got clearer now. Building her self-confidence is on my priority list!

 Shagun

The Second Reflection..

The Second Reflection!

26^th July’ 2015

THE SECOND REFLECTION !! 

The session started as the last time. She came to pick me up and we traversed our way through those smelly by lanes. I notice how Prachi gets conscious because of the smell and the problem she thinks it might create for me. But, I try to keep it subtle and kept talking so that the bad of something doesn't affect the goodness of our relationship.

Last time we had decided to read. So, I was carrying an Encyclopedia, an interactive English grammar book and a novel by Agatha Christie. I let her see all the books and choose what she wanted to read.

In the meantime, her family came to meet me. This time, they stood there for a very long time and kept on watching what we were doing. I was in a dilemma. I didn’t like the constant pondering of her sister and father.

When we started reading, her sister sat with us and read along with us. Prachi decided to read the Encyclopedia. The images and details about Space, world, history etc. fascinated her. I thought her sister was also interested. But later she was just yawning and sitting which made me a little uncomfortable.

Things got interactive only after she left. We decided to read about the world and discuss it. I made her read and asked few things about it. She didn’t ask any question other than few English words.

We jot down few points that we thought we will google and then discuss about it. We also made plans for our next visit.

I was telling her about a light and sound show that is conducted at ISCKON in Delhi. It is philosophical in nature and explains about different aspects of life in association with Mahabharata and Bhagavat Gita. We decided that I will download that for her and we will watch that in our next session.

All in all, it started on a little uncomfortable note with eyes prying on me but ended on a sweet smile.

 J

After all I realised that everyone wants to be sure that the children always get the right thing! May be , a parent in future even I will stand and look what is put in my kids' head! Its natural, protective and practical. I understood them! I understood my parents better today!        

                                                          Shagun

That First Tryst!

12^th July’ 2015

The first tryst!

Walking down the lane, confused with the newly given task of mentoring a kid, I had not much in my mind as to what to teach to Prachi. My first meet with her @SPJIMR was nice and simple and I found that she was a very sincere student studying in class 10^th. Fair complexion, sweet smile and a very polite composure. Her father was extremely thankful and happy. They both were looking forward the association.

 So, I met her near a restaurant where she came to take me to her house. Crossing the small by lanes of Mumbai chawls, I saw a different world out there. With small houses to waterlogged sides. To a garbage dump nearby to the coterie of ladies. Entered a small house which was like an amalgamation of a ground floor and a mezzanine floor. The ground floor was extremely small, like a size of a bathroom where I sat. Her mother came rushing with a glass of water. Both of them were wearing neat and clean clothes. I could sense that the family was extremely practical and wanted this bond also to be very constructive. I made it a point to make these sessions very fruitful and innovative for Prachi.

As we started, I talked about her studies, her plans for future.

She is an extremely hard working girl. Attends school daily which is followed by her tuitions of every subject. She wants to become a doctor and have plans to get admission in a Mumbai college itself. She didn't mind going outside Mumbai also, to which I was amazed since I thought that the family will be conservative. But parents with two daughters who were giving them the best they could speaks volume about their broad-mindedness and unorthodox thinking. I really respected the family.

For most of the session, we talked about her likes and dislikes to break that ice between us. We ended up having a snack together where I could feel that she is a little more comfortable with me than her first visit.

I wrote few pointers as to what her likings are so that our next session could be around those things.

The  tryst was simple but the view of the OTHER livelihood always sparks that light in me to do something more than just teaching and mentoring.

                Shagun